This is still so hard. I emailed Kay to let her know that we broke up, even though I'm sure she already knew. I had to tell her that I appreciated everything that she and Rex have done for me over the years and that I really do love them. She emailed me back, and told me she hoped that Conor and I talked through this, and that it might not be a permanent break. She also told me Rex is in the hospital.. I'm so upset and I'm sure Conor is upset about this and I can't talk to him! I want to let him know I'm here for him and that I still care about him. I can't stand the thought of him just being there not talking to anyone.. or talking to someone else about this.
My emotions are on a very weird seesaw lately; I either feel like I'm dying from a broken heart or I feel nothing at all..
I'm half wondering if seeing someone else will help me mend this hole I feel like I have in my chest. There are some guys that have already started talking to me since we broke up. It's tempting to feel better, but honestly I can't do it even if it would make me feel better. It wouldn't be fair to them or myself. I feel numb. Who would want to date someone who cries about another guy every 30 minutes?
Valentines Day is on Monday. It'll be the first in years that I've spent alone... I don't know how I'm going to handle it.
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