I worked until late last night, and I was kept busy, so that helped. Unfortunately my coworked asked me, "weren't you engaged? Where's your ring??".. FML. Since when do men notice rings? I told him no, we weren't engaged, it was a promise ring, and we broke up. I cried. In the end he gave me some good advice, but I still wish I didn't keep having people ask me about it.
When I got done with work, as I was getting into my car I called him, purely out of habit..About 3 rings in I realized what I was doing and hung up. Then I cried and called my mom. She was great, she always is. I can always count on a level head from her. So I got home around 1 AM. Only then I was alone, and I couldn't stop thinking. I didn't get to bed till 4:45ish. I'm so exhausted, and I can't concentrate. I can't handle feeling like this. I hate it.
I keep analyzing what I've said to him over the course of the last few days. I want him to know I love him with everything that I have. I can't go ten minutes without feeling like someone just punched me so hard it takes my breath away.. I get this panicky feeling and then I cry. I can't stop thinking about the "what ifs". I don't want to think about things like "maybe he found someone else", or "it's just over", or "he doesn't love you anymore", but I can't help it.
It seems like there should be no tears left in my body to shed, but then they come again, in a hurricane. I lost my lover, best friend, boyfriend, and my whole life is messed up now. I wish it were as easy for me as it seems to be for him... I should really try to pick up the pieces of my life and try to put them back together, but I feel as if half of the pieces are missing.
Natalie.
I wonder if I ever told him about this site.. Maybe if he read it he would still know how much I love him. I want my Cobo back. I want my heart back.
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