I'm going to Grow. I'm going to live. I'm going to be my own person again, even if I don't want to. Life is about making the difficult decisions. I'm not going to mope or cry anymore, I'm going to focus. School is important, especially now. This is the hardest semester I've had so far, which makes it essential that I focus. If in a a few weeks, or months, we talk again maybe I'll be a new me, you'll be a new you. Maybe you'll fall in love again and maybe I'll be able to overcome this hurt. Since I don't know your reasons or thoughts, I'm just going to give up.
I love you with all my heart, but I know that if it's meant to be it'll happen so I'm not going to force it. No more questions, no more texts, emails, or calls.
Natalie
Hopefully nothing will set me off there. O don't want to cry all the time. Hayley and Kyndall may be used to it, but no one else is.
I worked until late last night, and I was kept busy, so that helped. Unfortunately my coworked asked me, "weren't you engaged? Where's your ring??".. FML. Since when do men notice rings? I told him no, we weren't engaged, it was a promise ring, and we broke up. I cried. In the end he gave me some good advice, but I still wish I didn't keep having people ask me about it.
Day 2 of the breakup.. I still hurt. I couldn't sleep last night. I've been crying all morning, and it's only 8. I can't believe how much this hurts. I know I need to give him space, but my first instinct is to text him every time I experience something. I didn't get a goodnight text last night, or a good morning one earlier.. I can't remember the last time that didn't happen. I can't go more than 10 minutes without thinking about something and starting to tear up. I hate how helpless this makes me feel. This had better heal fast because I don't know how long I can take feeling like this.
Well.. four years and three months and it's over. I've never been broken up with before. I can't believe how much this hurts. I had to take down half the pictures on my walls.. take shirts out of my closet, jackets too.. I had to find the boxers he left, all the small things he's given me.. jewelry. Countless things. I had to hide them. I can't look at them without crying. Hell, I can't do much of anything without crying. I hate this. I packed away the promise ring and the pearl set he gave me.. I thought I was going to wear those pearls on our wedding day. I cannot believe this happened.
It's a new school year. A new beginning. Nursing school is officially here and I think I'm going to love it. Along with my 1,200 + dollars in books I also got a lab coat, scrubs, a sphygmomanometer ( a stethoscope) haha, and a BP cuff, as well as a pen light, reflex hammer, and some bandage scissors!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to start clinicals!! I'm just excited in general about school this year. :)
