1. He is so talented.. way more than I EVER was.
2. He tells me I'm beautiful in every way.
3. He is scared of getting married.
4. I'm not sure that I could live without him anymore.
5. He is so sure of everything.
6. He understands me like no one else on this whole planet.
7. He pushes me to do more than what I think is sufficient.
8. He would suffer through anything for me.. silently.
9. I have to make the hard decisions because he's too nice sometimes.
10. When he does something, he does it completely, and is the best at it.
I know that most of these silly blogs end up being about him, but I just can't put him out of my mind. He is always there. Always with me. I think that's how I know we are meant to be. I found a song today that I want to be played at my wedding. It's so cute. It's perfect.
Until You, by Dave Barnes.
Let's just take our time
There's nothing else to do
What better way to spend the night
Than wasting it with you
The moon has won the war
The daylight waits to end
Stay here by my side
We'll watch the struggle start again
I need you now and forever
So stay right here with me
Don't ever leave
Love was kept from me like a secret
And I swore that I was through
Until you, until you
The city settles down
I watch you as you sleep
There's a silent celebration for
Every breath you breathe
Now this all makes sense
With you as company
I left all I knew and found
A better part of me, yeah
The time it took to find you
I would
Wait again my baby
The feelings that
I feel with you, yeah
until you until you until you
man, these last few weeks have just BLAZED by.. i was just home for christmas, and now it's about to be spring break! Con has come up to HSU a few times in the past few weeks. =] He's making the rounds for his college auditions. He stopped by last weekend twice! =] i was very excited. his little conjugal visit went very well. ;-p hahahah. but really. he'll be down again this upcoming wednesday.. then i'll be heading home on friday!! sooo exciting. i'm a little bummed that our spring break's aren't the same, but that's still not terrible. we'll have the evenings, so it'll be fun. =] yesss, and the NIGHTS. =D hahah. ohh i'm in such a good mood because i'm talking and thinking about these things. =]
weeelllll, my laptop is about to die and i'm going to eat a bww with hay in a few mins, sooo i'm gonna go ahead and wrap this up.. hahahaha. my dirty mind!
lol, byeeee.
the most amazing boy ever. I had an amazing Valentines Day. He cooked for me! =] Ummm and now he's coming to see me! =D
I just had to tell the world how amazing he is. I love my boy.
I'm dying here! I really can't go on like this... I feel so depressed, and I know it's only because I haven't been home for so long. I miss Conor, I miss my family, I'm sick of school.. and I'm tired. Con and I keep arguing over silly little things, things that make no sense to argue about when I'm 300 miles away. I'm biting his head off for no reason. I hate it. I hate that I'm acting this way. To top it all off, I'm about to start my period.. just in time for Valentines Day, lovely... Everything is going WRONG!
But, I guess that's what comes with trying to keep up a long distance relationship, I don't know.. I know that I love him, and I'm not going to give up, I won't. I love him way too much for that. He IS my future. I can't wait until we are together all day, every day. I really know that all of these problems will slip away. (probably to be replaced with brand new problems, but still) We're going to make it.. We are in this for the long haul. For forever.
I'm just being a teenager for the last year I can still use it as an excuse for my behavior.. hahaha!
=]
Natalie
I guess sometimes it's easy to forget things.. easy to just loose yourself in the past and just not remember to look around and enjoy the present. I know that for myself, I forget to enjoy what's going on around me. This life has so much to offer me right now and I just can't let it all pass me by because it "isn't how it used to be". I'm full of excuses of why I don't like this or that, when in reality, I'm just scarred of the future.
I've changed so much in the past year, that, looking back, I'm not even sure I REALIZED what I was getting myself into. I made so many mistakes. Some that have changed me forever. Some things that I swore to myself I would never do, I've done. Life isn't simple, it isn't easy, and it sure as heck didn't come with an instruction manual. I've got to get used to making hard decisions and then just living with what I decide. No more complaining, no more giving up.. I just need to deal with things. Face them instead of making excuses.
My life has become something that I am very proud of. I know that while it is still flawed and somewhat tattered in areas, it's mine. It is what I have made of it Myself. No one else has any claim on it. My mistakes are only mine and cannot be placed on anyone else. Some of these mistakes I have learned from, and others, while they may have once looked like mistakes in the recent past, have now become cherished moments in time. I have learned from all of these my true Value. My potential is being shown, my worth coming to the forefront in my mind.
I am thankful for the year that has passed. Seeing it go will see off many firsts for me... Most shared with Conor Bell. He has my heart. He has it so fully that I am hardly able to go a few hours without thinking or being reminded of him in some way. I truly can say that he has taught me what it really means to Love someone. This past year holds many many places in my heart. I will never forget the memories and experiences we have shared, Con.
So, as 2009 starts, I do not have a resolution to make, nor a list of flaws I would like to correct, only a sad, but hopeful, farewell. I promise to remember, but not dwell in, 2008. To make this new year a better year; one full of many accomplishments and memories that will someday stick out as amazing moments in my life. For that I will need the help of everyone, I will need your support and participation. I know that you won't let me down. Thanks.
Natalie.
today i did something i never ever thought i would do for ANYONE. i'm nervous that i've done the wrong thing, but right now i DON'T regret it! i just hope nothing ever becomes of this.. that it's just for him and no one else. =] i love my boy. he's amazing. i'm glad that this makes him happy, even if it scares me just a little bit!
on another note, this is kind of a lame weekend for me! it's a long one and i'm here by myself because hayley went home for the break.. =/ i've just been reading and watching tv.. i hung out with my brother last night though. i spent the night at his place and came home this morning. i'm glad we finally get along really well.. it's taken long enough!!
okie dokie. well, i'm going to get back to watching my movie!
byee!
yup, break is over and it's time for school again. =/
i had a great time at home. i spent so much time with my family and conor. it was amazing. i already miss just being around them! haha, i've been at school for 3 days now... lame, i know.
but anyways. my classes this semester will be significantly less stressful, i think. not less work, just less stress. =] that = a happy natalie. i haven't gone back into work yet, and i think i'll wait untill next week to do so. i'm just going to try and get started off before i add back in the stress of a job. i think that sounds logical, right? yeah. =]
sooo, i guess i'm going to go get some lunch! my tummy's been grumbling all morning!
natalie!