I guess sometimes it's easy to forget things.. easy to just loose yourself in the past and just not remember to look around and enjoy the present. I know that for myself, I forget to enjoy what's going on around me. This life has so much to offer me right now and I just can't let it all pass me by because it "isn't how it used to be". I'm full of excuses of why I don't like this or that, when in reality, I'm just scarred of the future.
I've changed so much in the past year, that, looking back, I'm not even sure I REALIZED what I was getting myself into. I made so many mistakes. Some that have changed me forever. Some things that I swore to myself I would never do, I've done. Life isn't simple, it isn't easy, and it sure as heck didn't come with an instruction manual. I've got to get used to making hard decisions and then just living with what I decide. No more complaining, no more giving up.. I just need to deal with things. Face them instead of making excuses.
My life has become something that I am very proud of. I know that while it is still flawed and somewhat tattered in areas, it's mine. It is what I have made of it Myself. No one else has any claim on it. My mistakes are only mine and cannot be placed on anyone else. Some of these mistakes I have learned from, and others, while they may have once looked like mistakes in the recent past, have now become cherished moments in time. I have learned from all of these my true Value. My potential is being shown, my worth coming to the forefront in my mind.
I am thankful for the year that has passed. Seeing it go will see off many firsts for me... Most shared with Conor Bell. He has my heart. He has it so fully that I am hardly able to go a few hours without thinking or being reminded of him in some way. I truly can say that he has taught me what it really means to Love someone. This past year holds many many places in my heart. I will never forget the memories and experiences we have shared, Con.
So, as 2009 starts, I do not have a resolution to make, nor a list of flaws I would like to correct, only a sad, but hopeful, farewell. I promise to remember, but not dwell in, 2008. To make this new year a better year; one full of many accomplishments and memories that will someday stick out as amazing moments in my life. For that I will need the help of everyone, I will need your support and participation. I know that you won't let me down. Thanks.
Natalie.