Today was the day we were anxiously awaiting my sweet son! You were supposed to be here any moment. We were supposed to be trying anything we could to get you to come meet your parents. We were supposed to be all packed up and ready to rush to the hospital at any hour of the day. We were supposed to have your going home outfit picked out and your car seat installed. Your nursery all decked out and your very first stocking hung next to ours. We were supposed to have very tiny little gifts under the tree and family and friends all waiting to get "the call". We were supposed to be sharing this day with you. Maybe. Or maybe you'd be stubborn and come a few days late, as most first babies tend to do.
But that won't be us this year. You've come and gone almost 4 months ago. It's hard. This was supposed to be our first Christmas with you, but it's our first without. Today is your due date, sweet sweet son. We miss you. We are hurting so deeply that no Christmas gift can replace our sorrows and pain. We feel you today. We feel your eyes looking down and your love in our hearts and we know that you are okay, even though we don't get to have you here.
Your parents are having a bad day, Tucker. We love you, but we miss you and all the possibilities we could have had. I pray that you've found your amazing grandparents who are in heaven and they are telling you stories of your parents at Christmas-time in years past. We hope you get to sit on one or two laps that love you. That you get held and loved on and know how much we wish that that could be us holding you. Smelling your precious hair and holding your tiny hands. We love you and miss you.
Mommy and Daddy.
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