YAAYYYY! I'm home for a month! This is verrryyyy exciting! My grades this semester are not what i hoped for, but they will just have to do. I failed one class with a 65. My intro to Sociology class... ugh. I'm not sure what thats going to do to my GPA, but I'm sure its not good. I'm just going to have to re-take it. I'll pay for it, no worries. I passed math though, so thats the LAST math class I'll ever have to take! =] Verrry exciting againnn!
Ummm, so now I'm just working for the break at Pappadeaux! I need the money to buy christmas gifts for everyone!
Well, I have to be at work in a few hours, and I think I'm going to take a NAP!
Laterrr.
Hmmmm. So in exactly one week and one day, I will be finished with my first semester of college.. Freaky. It's flown by so fast! I know that this is weird, because I complain about school a lot, but this is even MORE weird that it's almost over!
so, FINALS. ugh.
math: in my math class, i must make an A in order to pass the class. UGH UGH UGH! i'm trying sooo hard. i'll just have to study moreee!
chem: this class is pretty okay. all i need is a C on my final and i'll be in good shape. =] this is very exciting!
new testament: i'm not sure, but i think that i could be fine with a C, but i'm going for an A. just in case...
sociology: i need a really good grade. i want an A. i can GET an A. i just have to make up for that damn 33 i got on my essay. sheesh.
pilates: my exam is tomorrow. hahahahaahha. EXAM! lolll. this class is a peice of cake.
I'M SOOOOOO READY FOR THIS NEXT WEEK TO BE OVER!
baslsa'dgkjadhgn
i love conor o'neil bell with all of my heart. he read twilight for me. He's BETTER than Edward Cullen. =]
okaaayyyy. weeelllll. i gotta finish up an essay for tomorrow! =]
So, I've just realized how much I hate technology...
Through Facebook, and by nothing else, have I just learned that an old boyfriend is engaged.. I don't know what to think, much less feel. When I read that, all the blood ran out of my face. My heart stopped. I don't have any feelings for him anymore, I really don't, but he was always the "perfect guy" I used to compare all other guys to. He was MINE. I was his first girlfriend, he my first real boyfriend... my first true love. My heart is aching, and I have no idea why. I feel so... taken advantage of. Facebook ruined it. It's so impersonal. I wish he would have told me. I wish he would have thought to, even though it's none of my business. I feel hurt. This is so terrible. I KNOW he will be happy with her.. he has been for the last year. Has it really only been two years since we dated? This is just so odd. I feel like crying and then I think that that's no way for me to behave! I really am about to cry.
There are no words for the way I am feeling. My heart is being ripped apart and I don't even know why.
this has been a long couple of weeks. i'm tired. i don't feel good, and i need more sleep. this upcoming week i have a chem test and a math test. that really stinks... they are on the same day too. ugh. the only good thing is that the Twilight movie is coming out on friday too! hahah. this also means that thanksgiving is NEXT week. =] i have a paper due on tuesday too.. ugh. i can't wait until christmas break. i haven't been home in like a month, and i WON'T go home until thanksgiving. i miss conor o'neil.i miss him a lot. well, i'm tired and i'm watching a cool show about body language, so i'm gonna go.
goodnight.
so, its been like a week or so since i last wrote anything in here.. there's been a lot that has happened!
school stuff was hectic.. my new testament group stunk, so we crammed in everything the night before it was due. at the actual presentation on tuesday i had to speak on 2 extra topics i didn't know i was speaking about.. i had no note cards for those sections. ugh! i guess our paper was good though. i mean, after we took out whole parts from other people.. ahhaha. if i have time i'll show you an excerpt. hahahah. poor colby. he can't write at all! i'm no better though, i don't even like using capitalization.. i tried to do it, but i'm way to lazy for that crap. bah. mmm. what else? math was actually interesting last week, and i feel like i understood quite a bit! yayy me! huzzah!
weeellll then i went home for the long weekend. i left after my new testament class. sooo i got home around 3ish? yeah, that seems right. i did laundry and hung out with my parents that night. then on friday i finished my laundry and went shopping for things. that night i went to bethany's volleyball game. they won! =] my little sis is a good captain! haha. i brought my little cousin to that. theeenn i ate with my famfam. conor and i hung out for a long time after that. on saturday con and i had lunch together to celebrate 2 YEARS. =] it was nice. then we went back to my house and watched The Island.. not the Leonardo DeCaprio one..thank goodness. the good one. hahaha. after that Con had marching UIL. so he left. Later his mom and dad picked me up and e went and watched them! he conducted well, i thought. a lot better than when i saw him in September! i was proud. =] then we went out to eat with them later. it was cute. we then went to my house and the fun part happened...
SO we were sitting in his car, and he looked at me and said, "i have two gifts for you, natalie". i asked him why and he said it was for our 2 year anniversary. sooo, he looked me in the eyes and said," the first is a promise to you. that i will always love, and one day, i will make you my wife." at that point, i was already starting to tear up! i just told him, "okay conor, thats all i need.. i don't care about the other part" but then he said, "but the second part goes along with the first", and pulls out this little burgundy box! i was done for, the tears started rolling down my cheeks! inside was a little ring with three diamonds. and he said, "this is symbol of that promise, natalie, and i want you to wear it for me" i mushed up and hugged him. thennn, what still makes me tear up thinking about it, he looked at me to see if it was okay, then pulled the ring my dad gave to me off my left ring finger and replaced it with his. how amazing is he? i just bawled the whole time! hahaha. i love that boy.
the next day i showed my mom and told her it was a promise ring.. she cried too. hahaha. like mother, like daughter. so, needless to say, leaving him behind this weekend was killer. i miss him already and i can't wait for the next time i'm home. he's an amazing guy and i'm so lucky to have him. he has every fiber of my heart and i know he'll be kind with it. i AM going to marry him. i love him.
okay, weeeell i'm in my dorm room now, and i think i'm going to crash! its been a crazy weekend, and i need to rest!
natalie.
ughhh i'm sooo sick! i have a nasty cold! i need to study, but i haven't even gotten out of bed since 1pm! ;iegjrgnjs.adfn
THIS SUCKS.
hmm, well, this week has been quite amazing! i got a JOB! its a pretty cool one too! i get to dress up like a cowgirl.. boots, belt, bandanna.. its fun! i'm serving at the #1 restaurant here.. its a big steakhouse! =] i'm very excited. i went in and applied on wednesday, the girl called me back for an interview on thursday, and my first day was today! pretty sweet! $$$$ cha ching!
bad news though, i'm missing Con like CRAZY right now. he had UIL today, and i WASN'T THERE! =[ sad day. turns out they didn't do so well.. that makes me sad for him, he feels responsible because he's a leader. i feel like everywhere i go there are happy couples... its frustrating, especially because i HAVE A BOYFRIEND.. i just never see him! =[
hayley is so nice. we went to see a play called Arsenic and Old Lace. it was great. there was an old man who laughed hysterically the WHOLE time! haha, and this little boy sitting next to hayley and i kept asking questions and freaked out when people on stage kissed. ahah. it was a good time all around.
TESTTSSS:
i have a few tests coming up next week, and i'm thoroughly screwed. =/ my math test is on friday, and i'm SO unprepared. i need to be studying non-stop, but what with a new job and this week being homecoming, it makes it difficult! i also have a new testament test. ugh! and the big paper is due for that class too. i'm stressed about grades. i want A's! i'm so used to HAVING A's without even trying that i'm all messed up.
oh weelllllllll. i need to go to sleep! church in the morning! =/
love, natalie. =]
So I've started to see that I suck at math.. not only do I hate the subject, but I genuinely SUCK at it. i NEED a tutor.
I HATE THIS. I HATE MATH. I HATE ASKING FOR HELP!
I THOUGHT I SHOULD POST MY GRADES SO FAR!
math - 64
chem - 82
sociology - 84
new testament - 66
BOOOOO I SUCKKK!!!! =[
so, i went home this weekend. it was A MAZING. =] Hayley came with me, but she didn't STAY with me. Her dad was working the state fair so she stayed with him. weeeelllll...
FRIDAY-
As soon as we got to my house, Con came over! I was VERY excited, lemme tell ya. I love that boy. Hayley could tell i was getting anxious.. lol. Then Hay's dad came to pick her up and He met my family and Conor.. that was fun. Conor left to go the football game and I had dinner with Hay and her dad. I showed them some of my home-town.. it was fun. Not much really happened till later. After the game was over and Con was home, I went over to his house and hot tubbed for a few hours.. that was REALLY nice. =] haha. then laterrrr he came over to my house. hahhaa. even more =]
SATURDAY-
I slept in, unlike Con, who had to be in Mesquite at 8am.. ugh! lol. Then, when i FINALLY woke up, I did some errands with my mom and stuff.. nothing fun. Con came over later and we ended up watching a HOUSE marathon. ahhaha. we LOVE that show!! Around 8ish we went to dinner! Because I wasn't home for my birthday, we went to Honusho.. an AMAZING japanese sushi bar- place. It was soooo yummy! After dinner we went to Tom Thumb and bought brownie mix and Icing! =] We made brownies and watched tv at my house. When he finally went home, it was midnightish? BUTTTT he came over later too. =] That was the night of a great FIRST for me. more =] (teehee)
SUNDAY -
Conor was coming with us to church, so we skipped sunday school.. I had some extra time to get ready. LOL notttt. Conor came over. HAHAH I was so sure we were going to burst into flames as we walked through the doors of my church. ahahhaha. Then, after the service we had lunch at Pappadeaux! I missed my friends there!!! I had calamari and Aligator.. and some of my mom's.. aahahha. =]
Hayley was dropped off around 3ish and we left at about 4.
Anyways. Its only Tuesday and I miss Conor already. Thats so stupid, but I still miss him. I love that boy, I really do. AND not just because of the fun we have... even though thats great too. hahaha. =] (yeaaahhhh, I'm going to hell!) I can't wait for my next visit home!!!
SO NOW I HAVE TO GO TO BED.. I'M SLEEPY. I'M GOING TO FAIL MATH AND I DON'T CARE. college sucks.. not really, just MATH! =/
nighty night! love, natalie.
Blahhhh. I'm so exhausted, and I feel as if I've done nothing all day.. other than class, I mean.
I have a big Chemistry test tomorrow and I'm SO unprepared.. I'm trying to study, but I just can't seem to focus. It's terrible. For the first time in who knows how long I actually need to STUDY for a class and I can't do it.. This computer is aiding in my procrastination, but I can't seem to pull myself away. It's deffinately evident that my grades so far in college are slipping. In math my first test grade was a 64 and in New Testament it was a 66! When my grades go home my parents are going to KILL me. I've always been a straight A student.. WITH NO NEED TO STUDY! -_- I feel like i was just lied to for my first 12 years of school.. I WAS good at this, but not anymore!
Blah. This is just me complaining.. I feel like a child. I can handle this, or at least, I thought i would be able to. Ugh. I really should just put this away and try to study again. Everything is all laid out on my bed already, I just have to set my mind to it and go. I just hope that this is enough.. I hope I will do well. Lord knows that I'm trying.. I really am. I just didn't expect College to be THIS hard. I thought it would be ok..
Ok. I'm going this time. Pray for me!!!
Oh my goodness... i was a great student in high school... not anymore. college is SERIOUSLY kicking my butt. i have two major tests this week; chemistry and sociology. ugh. i feel like all i do is study and sleep.. and go to class, of course. NOTHING is paying off though. i work so hard, and what do i have to show? NOTHING. there are no quiz grades or homework.. each class is based on these tests! its sooo unfair. i mean, i'm a good test-taker, but daaannnggg. i'm sick of just studying all the time. its getting ridiculous!
OHHHH. fun stuff. conor and i got our web cams to work! thats funnn. =] i was in the library when it started working and there conor was... blasting out jazz sax. IN THE LIBRARY. hahahah. it was great. oh well. -_-
ps, that last post said some mean things about con, and i just want to rectify that. he was not really being a jerk, i was just being emotional. ahhaha. i tend to get like that sometimes... i'm a girrrlllll. =/ its a terrible excuse, i know..
anyways. i have to be up and at Pilates at 8 am, so i'm gonna head off to bed!
hahah. niiighttt.
i can't stop thinking about next weekend.. i'm coming home for you. for you. i know that you're busy and have plans, but i'm coming home FOR YOU. not for my family, not for my "friends"... for you. i can't stand it that i feel like you don't care. yesss, i know i'm exaggerating, but i'm a girl. i like to be reassured you still want me. tonight you made me sad. you seemed like you wanted nothing more than to stop talking to me so you could go about your business. i hate that.
maybe you just love me for the sex.
weeellllll. this has been such an interesting time for me!
first off, school is AMAZING. i love everything here. i mean it, everything. my roommate is a little odd at times, but i honestly wouldn't change a thing. i've met a TON of new people and they are all exactly the right type of people. i met a girl named Hayley and she's become my new best friend.
its weird just how much we get along! haha, but i really love her. i don't know what i'd do without her. there are sooo many people that i've become close with. there are a few guys who are always there, any time i need something, and thats great too! my life here couldn't be any better... unless Conor was here.
i guess thats my next topic, Conor. at first i thought i was going to be missing out coming here with a boyfriend from home.. but i'm not. i miss him so much, and i can't wait to tell him about all thats going on in my life. we are closer now than when we spent everyday together.. when i come home its like heaven. the last time i was home we spent the entire weekend together. he came over saturday night and spent the night with me. it was great. we fell asleep together and i woke up in his arms.. all the love i feel for him emotionally we have now expressed physically. i love it. i love that i can just be myself with him! i can't believe how much i love him. i was so worried that i would be missing out of college experiences that i lost sight of the fact that i might MARRY this guy one day... there is NOTHING more important than Love. and i love him. i love him with my whole heart.
saying that, i have to mention just how frustrating it is though to only be able to come home every three weeks.. i miss Conor. i feel badly, but He's the reason i come home. i love my family, but its not the same type of love. its as if he comes before them now, almost. i know that if we can hold it together for just one more year we'll be fine.
oh, i need a job sooo badly! i hate hate hate asking money from my parents.. it bothers me so much. i hate it that i had so much money in my bank account and i blew it just because i was stubborn and wanted to try and pay for as much as i could for school stuff.. now i'm completely broke! hahahahaha. ughhh, it stinks.
mmkaayyy. welp, i'm gonna wrap this up. (like he had better say - hahahahha) that was just my version of a "thats what she said" joke. haha. but anyways. i'm gonna try and write on here more often. so, until then!!
Natalie. =]
I know that this will not JUST be for me, but thats how I'm going to think of it..
I'm so worried about this year. Conor and I are going to be stretched out to the max. I can't imagine not seeing or talking to him everyday.. It'll be soooo weird. I'm nervous, I'm upset, and I'm scared. So much has happened this summer to cement our relationship. We are so perfect together, it's seamless, this love we've grown into. I can't help thinking that this is going to be it.. the one person I'm destined to marry. I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.
The odds are against us, for sure, but we can do it. That may seem naive, but I'm willing to look it, if that's what fits my current situation.
He's got so so many of my "firsts" it's romantic. We are amazingly compatable, and everyone sees it. I can't imagine my life without Him.
Anyways, I'm sure this will end up just being a diary, and I'm okay with that. Hopefully no one I know will ever read this.. they might be dissapointed in me. Hahahaha.
I'm just an 18 year old girl from Texas.. not a NUN. =]