Well.. four years and three months and it's over. I've never been broken up with before. I can't believe how much this hurts. I had to take down half the pictures on my walls.. take shirts out of my closet, jackets too.. I had to find the boxers he left, all the small things he's given me.. jewelry. Countless things. I had to hide them. I can't look at them without crying. Hell, I can't do much of anything without crying. I hate this. I packed away the promise ring and the pearl set he gave me.. I thought I was going to wear those pearls on our wedding day. I cannot believe this happened.
It's a new school year. A new beginning. Nursing school is officially here and I think I'm going to love it. Along with my 1,200 + dollars in books I also got a lab coat, scrubs, a sphygmomanometer ( a stethoscope) haha, and a BP cuff, as well as a pen light, reflex hammer, and some bandage scissors!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to start clinicals!! I'm just excited in general about school this year. :)
I think maybe this implant in my arm is making me really moody and depressed. I am always crying. I get upset really easily. I'm mad at Conor so much lately. He is probably just really confused as to why I'm acting so weird. I've never been this emotional of a person before.. I don't even know why I'm so upset half the time. I can't stand this. I think I'm going crazy. I don't understand.
But I don't really think I SHOULD be. I get jealous. I'm a very jealous person. I don't know why, but I'm just like this. Whenever we come home he always wants to hang out with friends. We have the same friends, but somehow I'm never invited.. I don't know. He went to lunch today with a friend of ours and she never even told me she was in town? I don't get it. Maybe he's just more likeable than me? I don't know. It's stupid. I hate this. I've spent today all alone and he's been out with Amalia. Awesome. I know that I should be thankful and spend this time doing my homework, but I'm too mad to write a paper.. ugh. I hate this. I just wasn't ready to feel like this. I didn't expect it. I know he loves me, but no one else does.. no one wants to go have lunch with ME. =/ Maybe I'm just being a baby. idk. I'm not happy... yet again.
I know that I may be being unreasonable, but I'm mad at Conor! I went with his family to THEIR Thanksgiving last year, but he won't come to my family's this year. It makes me upset. It's not even like they will be in different cities.. He could at least compromise and come to mine for a while, then his or vice versa.. but no. =/ I don't even think my anger is unjustified. This is reasonable.. I went to his, he should come to mine. But maybe he just doesn't see it that way.. which is a problem. Ughhh. Why do holidays have to be such an issue.
