I think maybe this implant in my arm is making me really moody and depressed. I am always crying. I get upset really easily. I'm mad at Conor so much lately. He is probably just really confused as to why I'm acting so weird. I've never been this emotional of a person before.. I don't even know why I'm so upset half the time. I can't stand this. I think I'm going crazy. I don't understand.
But I don't really think I SHOULD be. I get jealous. I'm a very jealous person. I don't know why, but I'm just like this. Whenever we come home he always wants to hang out with friends. We have the same friends, but somehow I'm never invited.. I don't know. He went to lunch today with a friend of ours and she never even told me she was in town? I don't get it. Maybe he's just more likeable than me? I don't know. It's stupid. I hate this. I've spent today all alone and he's been out with Amalia. Awesome. I know that I should be thankful and spend this time doing my homework, but I'm too mad to write a paper.. ugh. I hate this. I just wasn't ready to feel like this. I didn't expect it. I know he loves me, but no one else does.. no one wants to go have lunch with ME. =/ Maybe I'm just being a baby. idk. I'm not happy... yet again.
I know that I may be being unreasonable, but I'm mad at Conor! I went with his family to THEIR Thanksgiving last year, but he won't come to my family's this year. It makes me upset. It's not even like they will be in different cities.. He could at least compromise and come to mine for a while, then his or vice versa.. but no. =/ I don't even think my anger is unjustified. This is reasonable.. I went to his, he should come to mine. But maybe he just doesn't see it that way.. which is a problem. Ughhh. Why do holidays have to be such an issue.
It's the second week of school already.. the first football game is saturday. WHEW! It is already going by so fast! :] That's good though. I'm enjoying my classes so far.. I'm pretty excited about my A&P and my Life-Span classes. They are really interesting. I'm hoping they won't be too terrible hard on tests too. ahah. NOT. But other than that, my two band classes are pretty fun too. I'm pretty terrible in Concert Band, but that was to be expected.. In CBB, I'm not the worst, I'm the one who's SECOND worst. >.< LOL. Well, I've got some studying to do.. =/ I have a ton of reading to do before tomorrow. UGH.
Anddd Hayley is cooking.. so I'm gonna read until Dinner then EAT! :]
Byeeee.
So, I'm back! Everything is all moved in! I still need to put up some pictures and decorate a little bit, but my room is mostly finished!! I'm so excited. Jerm has helped out a ton so far, so he's being a good big brother. I guess I'll just put up some pics then!! Because I'm eating with Jerm and Shannon in a bit!
I guess I should say how the Implanon is working so far. Well it's working. =/ Yeah, the side affects have come into play more than I hoped, but it's good none-the-less. The "spotting" is the worst. It's not like when you have you're period and you hurt and you're sore and you can tell it's coming.. it's just random. Light and easy, but annoying. So far so good though!
Other than that things have been pretty okay. I can't believe I'll be leaving in about two weeks to go back to school. As much as Conor made me mad today, I'm still really going to miss him.
Today Conor was the biggest jerk ever. He made me cry all afternoon. I think he really just doesn't get things sometimes.. and it worries me. I know he's a saver and doesn't like spending money, but today drew the line. I've been buying us lunch and dinner quite often, and I've not complained. I have the money, I don't mind spending it, so why not? Until this week, I guess. It all started with a $65 dinner two nights ago. I paid. I'm not complaining, but we said we would split it, then it didn't work out that way.. Then today, he offers to buy lunch, so I let him. It was BWW and it cost him $17.. whooho. So afterwards, we swing over to Walmart, and we each get a few things. He insists on paying since we picked up some stuff for his mom, so she would reimburse him. Now, I offered to pay for everything, he said no, then I offered to pay for my things, and he said no again. I don't really care at this point, my stuff was like $6... no big deal. So we get into the car, and he's all pissed. He starts saying how he hates spending money on crap and he just spent $50 on it. So I'm like, "I offered to pay for mine, Conor." And he's just fuming still and says, "It's fine." but in a really mean voice. So I get mad and I'm like, "FINE here, I'll pay you back for it!" and shove $20 in his hand, which he takes and says, "Thanks" in a mean voice. By now, I'm pissed. My stuff only cost $6 and I just gave him $20. I've spent so much money on him lately and he's making me pay him back?!?!?! Then what does he do? HE TRIES TO HOLD MY HAND. So I shove it away. Complete silence for the rest of the drive home. I didn't look at him, or say anything other than "bye" when I got out of the car.
So now I'm home, and I'm really really mad and upset. Conor was such a jerk. So I wanted to talk to my sister, which isn't surprising. Her boyfriend is over but he's dying his hair in the bathroom or something, so I pull her into my room and ask to talk to her. I start crying and telling her how mad I am at Conor and what does she do? SHE SAYS SHE'S DOING SOMETHING RIGHT NOW AND WALKS OUT. I'm crying my heart out to her, madder at my boyfriend of 3 years than I have been in a LONG time, and SHE WALKS OUT. Awesome.
So, I've had like, the worst day in the world. I'm now at home, doing this, while my family is at church. Why didn't I go? Because Con and I just talked and I figured we'd hang out... HAHAHAH. NOPE. He's eating with his family and doesn't know when he'll be back. Awesome again. I'll go get a burger and shove my face with food.
TODAY SUCKS.