Today is the day we buried Tucker. Again, it's like everything happened all over again. I remember who came and who spoke at the funeral.. I remember having to look at all the things our family picked out because We couldn't bear to really do it. It is my dad's Birthday. I clearly remember when we were discussing which day the funeral would be on, I wanted it as soon as possible, and he said "I would be honored to share my birthday with my first grandson". And that was that. He knew we wanted it to happen quickly, and his birthday was only 2 days after Tucker's.. So the 25th it was.
It was such an exhausting day.. Having to get dressed and ready. I think it was the first shower I took since the day we found out he was gone. I remember nothing fit right and I looked like a mess. I wished that I was being buried and not Tucker. I hated every single moment of holding in all the tears and sadness to "be strong". I got home and cried for the rest of the day. I think later in the day my parents and Brent began to take apart the nursery. I didn't want it all fixed and ready with no baby to put in there. The we closed the door and didn't open it for 6 months.
I think we actually went in the nursery on his due date, December 19th. I looked at the pictures they took and started writing in his baby book.
Maybe I should do that today. Update his baby book with his new sibling and write him a letter. Maybe.
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