So we are now actively trying to get pregnant and I t's so much weirder and harder than I imagined.
So this last month has been really crazy. I had my first FNP clinical (family nurse practitioner).. It was sprung on us a week before the first person's clinical, as they were one per week for a month and a half. And just GUESS who was fist? Yours truly. :) It was crazy hectic getting ready, but it was fine and great and I am for sure this is what I want to do.
It's hard for me to deal with school sometimes. My orientation for school was supposed to be August 24th. However, on the 20th we were admitted to the hospital after the sonogram that changed our world. So since I had the most horrific induction of a stillbirth ever, and I was in the hospital for 5 days before we delivered, I missed getting to meet my fellow students and our instructors and go over things we should know. I feel like every time I'm unaware of something for school someone will inevitably say "maybe you should have come to orientation.." and I want to scream and punch them in the throat. Oh I'm sorry, I was having to give birth to my dead son. That's so much harsher than I actually feel, but I just seem to relate everything school-related with our loss. I love school, I love the thought of being more independent as a nurse. I'm just venting here because that's what I made this for... and to hide my crazy. :)
So lets talk about periods. Because that's fun. I was due for my period on the 3rd of February. That was 6 days ago. Since delivering Tucker, my periods have been a super regular 30 days. Before Tucker my periods were longer, normally about 36 days. So if for some reason my body was just readjusting, I should be having my period any day now. I freaked out and took several pregnancy tests, which were negative. Brent and I were planning on trying to get pregnant again this month, which is when ur OBGYN said we could. The 23rd of February will be the 6 month anniversary of Tucker's delivery, and that's the date he's going off of. With school, the logical time to have a baby would be during Christmas break or shortly before, that would allow for maximum No School and No Work baby time. That's when we were due with Tucker, December 19th. It's crazy to me that our loss and time we are allowed to try again line up perfectly with the best time for us to have a baby. February would obviously be a little early, but early won't hurt. I'm worried about what if we don't get pregnant right away. We conceived Tucker on the first month that we were trying, and our pregnancy went so smoothly. I can't wait to try again, but this late period is freaking me out. I have always been regular, and I'm sure it's just stress, but I'm freaked out that I'm late and I'm not pregnant. Being on TTC boards makes me worry about molar pregnancies, and early miscarriages, and I'm worried. I need it to start so I can move on. This is going to be hard enough without having to worry about a million other things going wrong OTHER than another stillbirth.
Oh gosh. So now I'm worried about that. With no period symptoms at all and a negative pregnancy test I'm completely dumbfounded. My mom is convinced I'm not pregnant and that it IS just all stress, so I'm going to go with that. I just don't want this stress to mess up the time we want to start trying to get pregnant.
Rant over.