Hmm, so things have definatly been on the up side here recently. With all the mess that came up about Con and I sleeping together, it all brought us closer.. in a weird way. My parents no longer wait up on me, and my Mom's scheduled me a Dr. appointment for BC! Conor and I are fabulous. I feel like this is what we've needed.. just to Be Together. We spend all of our free time with each other. No matter what we've got planned or what we feel like doing, we're together. :) I'll read and he'll practice. He'll play a game and I'll knit.. whatever. It's all so perfect right now. I love him more than I ever have. We are so perfect together. I know this is going to be an amazing summer for both of us.
He has State Solo's in both Alto Sax and Bassoon on Saturday.. I have to work, so I won't be there when he gets back from Austin. That kind of stinks, but hey, at least I'll have been productive! Saturday is my first day back at the Deaux! LOL. Well, my first real day back. I had a "mock plate" shift yesterday.. these new people I don't know kept telling me what to do. It was funny because I've been working there for a year and a half next month. Lame-o's. I hope they feel stupid come saturday. (And I hope that everything comes back to me!)
Well, it's kinda late, and Lord knows I'm going to be up late tomorrow night, so I'd better get to bed!
Natalie.
That day when my parents came wasn't bad at all. We all ignored it. But when I got home the next day, Mom and I had our talk. Everything went really well, all things considered. So since then, Con and I have been really careful and considerate when we are in my house. It was really important to me that we show my parents respect for how they are dealing with this situation, so I keep making Con keep his hands to himself while we are in the house.
So I guess that brings us to tonight. I've been painting my room for the last few days, and it's almost all done. Well, Con hasn't really hung out with me in a while because of it, so he decided to come over while I was painting flowers on the border for the accent wall. Every time I went to sit by him, he was getting really "touchy". I kept trying to be polite about stopping him, and he would get frustrated and pout. It was getting very annoying. Well, when it came time for him to leave, I had decided it would be best for me just to stay inside and not go out to his car. Well, he guilted me into going out, even though I knew he just wanted to have sex in his car. So we went out, and proceeded to do such, when all of a sudden he stops. I freak out and ask him "WHAT?" and he tells me that my house door is OPEN! At this point, he isn't moving off of me, and I shove him off. He "hmphs" like he's MAD AT ME! I can freaking see my house porch light being flashed on and off, while a head is in the top window of the door, and he's mad that I want to put my clothes on as quickly as possible!?!? I'm shaking I'm so scared. I know that my mom is asleep, so that MUST be my Father! Conor, meanwhile, is just mad we stopped having sex, and we're not going to FINISH.
Right now I'm so mad I can hardly breathe. I rush to put all my clothes on and run straight into the house to the bathroom and lock the door. I wait in there for about 30 mins, not doing anything, then rush to my room, where I shut and lock the door again. Now I'm just in here, not sure what's going to happen tomorrow, or how I'm going to look my father in the eyes tomorrow. I can't believe that I felt GUILTY about not wanting to have sex! I'm never ever going to feel guilty about that again. I knew that it wasn't something we should be doing.. it was so disrespectful. I just let myself be guilted into it, and look where it got me.
Of course, Conor sent me a text later saying "I'm sorry, it's all my fault. It will only happen when you REALLY want it to, Natalie. I'm sorry I made you feel bad so you came out to the car." Blah blah blah. He apologizes, but he never learns. But it's just as much my fault as his. I can't believe I was so stupid. I'm really mad at him, I can't even deny it.
This really stinks.
So a few days back, my boyfriend and I were talking about maybe going on a vacation together. We thought the idea seemed like fun, but, as we are both still teenagers and must cope with our parents and their consequences. So, I decided to get my sister to help seed the idea into my parents' heads and get their opinions. Seemed like a good idea. Anyways, it turned into my Mom JUST NOW finding out that he and I are having sex.. I thought I had made this pretty clear in a previous talk we had. Weeelll, needless to say, I'm now stuck with the fact that she's coming up here, with my day, either tomorrow or the next day to help me move.. AWKWARD. I don't want it to be, but how could it NOT be?? She told my sister she was "disappointed" and that she wants to talk with my boyfriend and I. I just hope everything goes well. :)
Funny thing, though. Con told me "I guess this is what it must feel like to be Gay.. NATALIE! We're coming out of the Virgin Closet!!" Hahahaha. :) Made my evening.
Well, I still have two finals left to study for, so I had better get back to studying! Organic CHemistry and Old Testament! Whoo Hoo! x_x
Natalie