It's 0233 and I'm awake. I am not, by any means, a night owl. I have preferred all my life to go to bed early and rise early, rather than staying up and waking late. However, all that has changed since I switched to the Night Shift. =/ BLEGH. So, tonight, the last of my days off, I am forced to stay awake until the sun rises, just so I can sleep the whole next day to be ready for work at 1900. UGH. Can I just inform those of you who have never worked a 12 hour NIGHT shift how awful it is?!?
On my days off I am tired, forced to stay awake during the day to get errands done and spend quality time with the Hubs. I miss sleeping with him every night. I miss sleeping IN THE DARK. I have this awful eye-mask that I'm using to help me sleep during the day and THAT is awful too. I get hungry at 2 am on my days off and don't feel hungry at all during the day. It's hard. Harder than I thought. But I'm finally getting slightly more used to it after a month. The only thing left is to figure out how to work in my workouts... But, I'll get there. All in good time. :)
Brent and I have been married for one month and seventeen days. <3 amazing.="" are="" be="" becoming="" being="" but="" finally="" happy="" how="" i="" it="" just="" know="" m="" meant="" sickening.="" so="" to="" together="" us.="" we="" were="">together
. It's nice to finally have him all to myself. I miss him terribly when I work three or four shifts in a row. He's sleeping when I come home, I'm sleeping all day while he's up, then we are both awake for a few hours before I go to work, then I leave and he goes to bed alone, only to wake up to me jumping into bed with him after my shower. It's not ideal. We miss each other. Some nights he will stay up texting me while I'm at work.. until three or four am. He'll fight sleep because we feel deprived of each other. We make our time count though.. Many nights I leave him, exhausted after a fast and furious romp between dinner and work. :) It's fun. We make the most of it. On the days we both have nothing to do we end up staying in bed until noon, only having left to make a delicious brunch of scrambled eggs, grilled ham and sausage, toast with jam, orange juice, and occasionally wine. We enjoy each other.
I cannot claim to have a monopoly on love, but I can claim my own personal stake in the territory. I never knew how much I was missing in past relationships until I met Brent. When I was younger, the boys I dated never were allowed to have control over me, in fact, I flaunted the fact that I didn't need to check in with them, or their opinions, to make any decisions. Knowing and loving Brent has made me into a better person; I no longer feel the need to be completely independent. I realize that being a partner with him is much more rewarding and satisfying than remaining in sole control of my life. I want his opinion, his goals, and his dreams just as much as I want mine. And they both influence each other. He is the fiercest advocate of my happiness, just as I am of his. We love one another wholly, just as our vows stated. (Not that I think that we have been tested much, as of yet.)
Currently, Brent in asleep in our bed, and I'm in the guest bedroom, with Sophie. Sophie graciously decided to stay with me, even though Brent is her new favorite. Since we have been married Sophie has given up sleeping behind my knees in favor of sleeping between Brent's. It's cute, but in an annoying I-saved-you-from-the-shelter-you-should-love-me-more kind of way. She was mine for years before Brent even came into the picture, but now she's a Daddy's girl. I can only hope Brent and I's future children act more neutral with their affections, for my heart's sake. =/ At least she hasn't pooped on his side of the bed like one of my friend's cats did when she got married! :0
Anyways, it's still only 0306, and I've got to be up for another 3 hours at least, but I'm going to Pinterest instead now. :) I think I've sufficiently blogged for the next few months.. Heh.
G'night!
I can feel my ZzQuil kicking in, so I'm going to bed! Goodnight!!!
I'm surrounded by amazing people both in my private life and in public. Work is a blessing of its own with challenges every single day, but ones that enthrall me, body and spirit.
I finally gave in and read Fifty Shades of Grey. What can I say? It reminds me of an "adult" Twilight. Both set in cloudy Washington state, both rich men with secrets they long to share to one hopelessly normal girl. She is swept off her feet with no regard to her safety or sanity. Sheesh. Fifty shades of copy-write. Awful writing, just like Twilight. If it wasn't for the nasty sex the book would have been a blunder in sales. Too bad.
Anyways. I'm off to bed! ;) Fifty Shades will keep me dreaming of my honeymoon only two months away! As if I needed any more to think about on that topic! ;)
Night!
I still am completely infatuated with him, even if he does drive me bananas sometimes... Like today. Hahah. I can, kinda, laugh about it now, but I'm still a little frustrated with him. We are just so different! He's super chill and takes like as a joke or as a game, but I'm so caught up in planning and details. I mean, we work perfectly 99.9% of the time, but man, that other 0.01% killed me today.
Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. And tonight will get better! Currently school is kinda sucking. I'm taking all of my nursing school classes plus a British literature class. It's been a fun few weeks. I just keep telling myself that it's almost thanksgiving and then the semester will be almost over. I'm so ready for a break. Nursing school is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's really challenging. Not only that but we are all competitive with each other, and that doesn't exactly foster a fun relationship between students. :/
I'm waiting right now on one of my teachers to get out of a meeting so that she can give me a FREE flu shot. I thought it would be nice, but I've been waiting up here for 30 mins... Ugh!
Once again, it's been a while since I've posted anything.. :) I've been having too much fun to post. Heh.
A few months ago I was hopelessly heart broken and trying to get over it any way possible. I finally did get over it the only way I think I could have: I asked God to help me. I prayed every night, "Lord just let me feel happy tomorrow!" and you know what, one morning I did feel happy.
Then the Lord blessed me with an amazing man being interested in me. I was skeptical at first, but then I thought, hey- people always have rebound relationships, right?? Hmm. Well I thought that's all it was at first, but a month or so into talking to that man with no real commitment made me think about him in a serious way. Why weren't we dating? He had been asking himself the same thing, but wasn't sure yet. Being the critical man he is, we had a 3 date trial. If at the end of the 3 dates if we were still interested, we'd date. We admitted halfway though date number 2 that we were silly, and we should date. :) Ever since then I've been a very happy girl. Brent is everything I want and need in a man. He has a passion for Christ like I had before I let the world bring me down with my past relationships. He understands me and heals me in ways that no one has ever done before. He tells me I apologize too much, which is weird because in my past relationships that's all I did. He wants me for me. Every part of me. I'm as interesting and exciting to him as he is to me.. It's amazing. We have had our struggles, but Jesus is the Lord of both our hearts, and we hold each other accountable to him alone.
This is what a real relationship should be like; with God at it's center and a beautiful and pure love surrounding it. I can't believe that it's taken me this long to find. Brent is the man I wish someday I marry. He is everything a true Christian should be.. He makes me one too.
I also got a new job, as a lifeguard in Wylie. The pool is owned and operated by a small church in the area, and I'm excited so far! I get my first paycheck this Monday. :) I also got a new house with my roommies! It's a cute little 2 story house. I am absolutely in love with it. I can't imagine a better place to spend our senior year of college!!
My life is so blessed. I am truly thankful for everything that I have been given. The Lord works in mysterious ways.. As I've found out in the last few months. But I wouldn't trade those months for anything. They have made me a stronger woman and believer. God is good.
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn...
Veronica A. Shoffstall