So over this

0 comments Posted by Natalie at 8:59 PM

I'm so emotionally done with everything. I'm pretty sure my period is about to start, even though it shouldn't for another 5 days. I started spotting yesterday and this evening it happened again. I'm heartbroken and confused and feel like a failure. I don't understand why we got pregnant so easily the first time but now we can't. I don't want Tucker to be my only child. Please Lord don't make him my only baby. I want to have children of my own. I want to be pregnant. I loved being pregnant. I don't understand why this happening. Dear Lord please let me have a live baby. I don't know what else to do. I just feel so lost since we lost Tucker and now we can't even get pregnant again to try to move on! I can't stand this. I want a child! I want Brent's child. 

 

The waiting game.

0 comments Posted by Natalie at 3:13 PM

Well today begins the waiting game for me. 


Officially I think that I O'd yesterday? Maybe the day before. So our waiting game has begun. It's been a rough month for us. Both our emotions are all over the place, and it only seems fitting because we are both so desperate for some good news/ something to look forward to. 

I really have a good feeling about this time. We timed it all well, and we can only hope! Poor us. Sex will probably be off the table for a few days while we recoup after that crazy sexcapade that has been the last week and a half. Haha. We were laughing last night thinking about how things change.. Once you experience a loss of a pregnancy or the loss of a child sex changes. It changes because the root of sex is still to make babies, and once you've seen the dirty side of that sex can never been so carefree. But it can be hopeful. And as much as we dread the loss of another baby, we can still hope to bring home a child. And that hope makes us giddy with happiness.. Even if our bits feel like they've been rung through the ringer over the course of the last few days. We are once again cautiously optimistic. And so now the two week wait begins! 

So for now say a prayer for us! 

Love, Nat. 

 

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