On August 20th, Brent and I went in for a routine ultrasound at 22 weeks and 5 days into our pregnancy. We were stunned when we found out that baby Tucker was no longer with us. He had no heartbeat. We were sent to the hospital and induced, and on the 23rd we delivered our precious boy. How weighed in at a tiny 13 ounces and was 13 inches long! Had he kept growing at that rate he would have been a long and lean baby, taking after his Daddy. Delivery was hard, with my body wanting to hold on to our boy who wasn't due for another 3 months, but we made it though with no epidural and very little to complain about in his actual birth. We said goodbye at a memorial service on August 25th, my Dad'd birthday. He said he would willingly share his special day with his firstborn grandson.
It's been over two months now since we lost Tucker, and every day has been a struggle. He was perfect, the doctors and nurses said, it was his umbilical cord that had the problem. It was wrapped twice around his neck, which was his cause of death. All Tucker ever knew was love and warmth and peace. Brent and I are so lucky that he never knew any pain or sin, or hate. We think of him often, and now sometimes with a smile rather than tears. He will always be our first child. Our Son. God is taking care of him and showing him all the love we wish we could. We will meet again, in heaven. We cannot wait.
I'm a nurse. I know one in four pregnancies end in either miscarriage or stillbirth. Stillbirth is still the less common of those two by only accounting of one in three of those. Our Tucker was due to a Nuchal Cord accident that is still only ten percent of those... And he had a Double Nuchal Cord, which is even more rare. This was a rare and terrible accident. We have been assured that the chances of this happening again are slim to none, and that it was not caused by anything we had done. Being a white male was his highest risk factor, which is not saying anything. It could be anyone. It was us.
We are still mourning the loss of our sweet boy in our own ways and time, but we will try again. We were given a six month minimum wait time to try and conceive again, and as of now we think we will try again as soon as we are able. We are both so thankful for a firm foundation in Christ and our faith. Without it we could never be in this place of such healing and peace only months after this devastating loss. Our families, especially our moms, have been with us through everything and have also been instrumental in our healing. Our church family has also been here for us as we couldn't have thought to ask, sending prayers and meals to us at all hours of the day, aiding in our healing. We are so blessed. We are thankful for everything. For the opportunity to be Tucker's parents for his short time on earth.
Please continue to pray for us.
Natalie