I have never been one to do well on less than 8 hours of sleep, nor without some alone time each day. I have learned I get really cranky when I don't get those things. I also don't do well on a budget. Or with farts and other stinky things. I hate that the dishes are never done, and that clothes are thrown BY the hamper instead of in it. I have learned that the one person I love the most is also the person that frustrates me the most.
In all ways I believe that my dear, sweet, artistic husband is right for me. I just sometimes question the smartness of it. I love him with all my heart, but at least once a week I want to punch him in the throat. Sometimes more than that! It's something that scares me. We are newlyweds! We are supposed to have sex a million times each day and be so mushy gushy with love and stuff. We can be. We are more often than not completely happy and sweet to one another. But man, those other times. I jokingly asked him if he was googling "abusive relationships" earlier after we had a fight. We both laughed. But honestly I think that for 2% of our week it is abusive. We know each other well enough now that we know how to cut to the bone. We know how dirty we can fight. We always skirt the really bad things. But after it's all said and done I think how awful we are to one another and can't seem to imagine us 10 years from now. I can't help but think how he always brings up that i think he's stupid. I don't know why he thinks that, but he does. It must be something that I've made him think though... That bothers me. I cherish my husband. And I know he is intelligent and witty and confident and amazing. I can't help but think I'm the problem when he says things like that.
I love my husband. Maybe I need to pray for a smaller temper; less of a loose tongue, too. I think he know where his faults are after this first ten months just as surely as I know mine.
Yupp, I did my first one this week. Let me just say that if it were not for my patient thanking me profusely the WHOLE time, I would think that this was one of the worst experiences in my life. But as it was, it is slightly behind having a hospice patient (who we never have, and I felt unprepared for) die on you.
Can I just say how much birthdays suck once you have passed 21?! It's also worse once you have graduated college. At least then you still had some fun. It seems to me like every year I get more and more disappointed with my birthday and Christmas.
I'm sure it's normal. We just grow up and have more worries. We no longer just want something for your birthday, but you also have an understanding about finances. Why what you want/want to do is not necessarily a good idea. You talk yourself out of splurging for the day, out of having fun.
Today I have done nothing. The only redeeming part of my day was the birthday sex upon waking up. You can always count on that. However, everything else has been disappointing. DH is ever mindful of our finances and officially guilted me out of even wanting to go out to eat, or to the movies. I know it wasn't his intent, but there it is. So I cooked dinner, and read. Happy 24th bday to me! :/ With no Mom, Dad, or sister to spoil me, I have spent most of the day at my house, minus one trip to my brother and sister-in -laws house for lunch. It's so depressing!
It's nine forty five and I'm in bed. Yet another lovely thing about being an adult. I have work in the morning. Ugh. Well, I can officially count this one as one of the worst bday's I've had. Being old sucks.
Sex with your hot Hubby is pretty great. Especially when it's the perfect ending to a not so perfect day.
Natalie
That's my sweet kitty. Staying with me in the early morning while I read. At least she's loyal SOMEtimes. :)
Well, other than me being/feeling like a fatty, life is still normal. Brent and I have started bickering some, but I think it's because we get anxious when we don't spend enough alone time together. We feel disconnected. I'm so glad I have this weekend off. We need it. I'm gonna clean, organize, and buy a treadmill! :) I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably run more if I can do it at home, without having to go to the gym and change after working 12 hours. That's the plan at least. I weighed myself the other day. Ugh. I was 196. That's awful. It's the most I've ever weighed. I NEED to be running. I NEED to be active. I need to commit. I will. I want to be a sexy wife, not a fat lumpy one. :/ I still have all my treadmill workouts, so that will be my plan. I also want to sign up for a 5k and make that a goal. We'll have to see. I'm getting a treadmill this weekend! :D It'll be a start!
:) Laters.
It's 0233 and I'm awake. I am not, by any means, a night owl. I have preferred all my life to go to bed early and rise early, rather than staying up and waking late. However, all that has changed since I switched to the Night Shift. =/ BLEGH. So, tonight, the last of my days off, I am forced to stay awake until the sun rises, just so I can sleep the whole next day to be ready for work at 1900. UGH. Can I just inform those of you who have never worked a 12 hour NIGHT shift how awful it is?!?
On my days off I am tired, forced to stay awake during the day to get errands done and spend quality time with the Hubs. I miss sleeping with him every night. I miss sleeping IN THE DARK. I have this awful eye-mask that I'm using to help me sleep during the day and THAT is awful too. I get hungry at 2 am on my days off and don't feel hungry at all during the day. It's hard. Harder than I thought. But I'm finally getting slightly more used to it after a month. The only thing left is to figure out how to work in my workouts... But, I'll get there. All in good time. :)
Brent and I have been married for one month and seventeen days. <3 amazing.="" are="" be="" becoming="" being="" but="" finally="" happy="" how="" i="" it="" just="" know="" m="" meant="" sickening.="" so="" to="" together="" us.="" we="" were="">together
. It's nice to finally have him all to myself. I miss him terribly when I work three or four shifts in a row. He's sleeping when I come home, I'm sleeping all day while he's up, then we are both awake for a few hours before I go to work, then I leave and he goes to bed alone, only to wake up to me jumping into bed with him after my shower. It's not ideal. We miss each other. Some nights he will stay up texting me while I'm at work.. until three or four am. He'll fight sleep because we feel deprived of each other. We make our time count though.. Many nights I leave him, exhausted after a fast and furious romp between dinner and work. :) It's fun. We make the most of it. On the days we both have nothing to do we end up staying in bed until noon, only having left to make a delicious brunch of scrambled eggs, grilled ham and sausage, toast with jam, orange juice, and occasionally wine. We enjoy each other.
I cannot claim to have a monopoly on love, but I can claim my own personal stake in the territory. I never knew how much I was missing in past relationships until I met Brent. When I was younger, the boys I dated never were allowed to have control over me, in fact, I flaunted the fact that I didn't need to check in with them, or their opinions, to make any decisions. Knowing and loving Brent has made me into a better person; I no longer feel the need to be completely independent. I realize that being a partner with him is much more rewarding and satisfying than remaining in sole control of my life. I want his opinion, his goals, and his dreams just as much as I want mine. And they both influence each other. He is the fiercest advocate of my happiness, just as I am of his. We love one another wholly, just as our vows stated. (Not that I think that we have been tested much, as of yet.)
Currently, Brent in asleep in our bed, and I'm in the guest bedroom, with Sophie. Sophie graciously decided to stay with me, even though Brent is her new favorite. Since we have been married Sophie has given up sleeping behind my knees in favor of sleeping between Brent's. It's cute, but in an annoying I-saved-you-from-the-shelter-you-should-love-me-more kind of way. She was mine for years before Brent even came into the picture, but now she's a Daddy's girl. I can only hope Brent and I's future children act more neutral with their affections, for my heart's sake. =/ At least she hasn't pooped on his side of the bed like one of my friend's cats did when she got married! :0
Anyways, it's still only 0306, and I've got to be up for another 3 hours at least, but I'm going to Pinterest instead now. :) I think I've sufficiently blogged for the next few months.. Heh.
G'night!
I can feel my ZzQuil kicking in, so I'm going to bed! Goodnight!!!