This Is For Me

Well, as usual it's been MONTHS since I last checked in. Tomorrow will be November 9th; that's 7 months for me and Mr. Brently. :)

I still am completely infatuated with him, even if he does drive me bananas sometimes... Like today. Hahah. I can, kinda, laugh about it now, but I'm still a little frustrated with him. We are just so different! He's super chill and takes like as a joke or as a game, but I'm so caught up in planning and details. I mean, we work perfectly 99.9% of the time, but man, that other 0.01% killed me today.

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. And tonight will get better! Currently school is kinda sucking. I'm taking all of my nursing school classes plus a British literature class. It's been a fun few weeks. I just keep telling myself that it's almost thanksgiving and then the semester will be almost over. I'm so ready for a break. Nursing school is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's really challenging. Not only that but we are all competitive with each other, and that doesn't exactly foster a fun relationship between students. :/

I'm waiting right now on one of my teachers to get out of a meeting so that she can give me a FREE flu shot. I thought it would be nice, but I've been waiting up here for 30 mins... Ugh!

Welllllll. Last time I posted I'd just got a new job. Well that job lasted a whole month before I realized that the place was just not for me. There were serious safety issues that weren't being addressed, even after several guards mentioned it to the management, and apparently speaking out about safety hazards isn't advisable.. so I got fired. Yup. Fired. But in the end, I think it was best. The management was a husband and wife, the husband is a pastor at the church that owns the pool, and they weren't very receptive to my safety concerns.. Oh well. I have a job at my college pool and it's working out great. This pool is SAFE and I don't have a commute at all like the other place. All is good. :D

As for Brent and I, well, I'll just say it : I'm in love. It's been almost 4 months since we started dating and I wouldn't change ANY of it. My life is complete when he's around. We've been spending a good amount of time with each other and our families, in fact, I just got back from vacation with his family. :) We went to the lake for 5 days.. it was amazing. He was home with me for 4 days earlier in July too. Because he works 30 minutes away at a Baptist Church Camp, we only hang out one night a week, and then on weekends, so I feel like we're balancing things well. He spends a lot of time with friends too, and we make a point of not dropping other plans to hang out with each other. It's a good system. We both work and hang out with friends, but also spend time with one another. I'm looking forward to seeing where this relationship goes, though I'm pretty sure I know anyways. :) I'm so happy.

School starts August 29th! UGH! I'm soooo ready for my SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE!!! :D I just want to be DONE! I want my degree so I can go be a Nurse already.. sheesh! :)

Well, it's late, and I have work in the morning.. so goodnight and God bless!!

Natalie M.

So many beautiful things have happened since I last wrote in here. It's crazy to see how my life has changed in just a short period of time!

A few months ago I was hopelessly heart broken and trying to get over it any way possible. I finally did get over it the only way I think I could have: I asked God to help me. I prayed every night, "Lord just let me feel happy tomorrow!" and you know what, one morning I did feel happy.

Then the Lord blessed me with an amazing man being interested in me. I was skeptical at first, but then I thought, hey- people always have rebound relationships, right?? Hmm. Well I thought that's all it was at first, but a month or so into talking to that man with no real commitment made me think about him in a serious way. Why weren't we dating? He had been asking himself the same thing, but wasn't sure yet. Being the critical man he is, we had a 3 date trial. If at the end of the 3 dates if we were still interested, we'd date. We admitted halfway though date number 2 that we were silly, and we should date. :) Ever since then I've been a very happy girl. Brent is everything I want and need in a man. He has a passion for Christ like I had before I let the world bring me down with my past relationships. He understands me and heals me in ways that no one has ever done before. He tells me I apologize too much, which is weird because in my past relationships that's all I did. He wants me for me. Every part of me. I'm as interesting and exciting to him as he is to me.. It's amazing. We have had our struggles, but Jesus is the Lord of both our hearts, and we hold each other accountable to him alone.

This is what a real relationship should be like; with God at it's center and a beautiful and pure love surrounding it. I can't believe that it's taken me this long to find. Brent is the man I wish someday I marry. He is everything a true Christian should be.. He makes me one too.


I also got a new job, as a lifeguard in Wylie. The pool is owned and operated by a small church in the area, and I'm excited so far! I get my first paycheck this Monday. :) I also got a new house with my roommies! It's a cute little 2 story house. I am absolutely in love with it. I can't imagine a better place to spend our senior year of college!!

My life is so blessed. I am truly thankful for everything that I have been given. The Lord works in mysterious ways.. As I've found out in the last few months. But I wouldn't trade those months for anything. They have made me a stronger woman and believer. God is good.

The best things in life are those that come easily. The things you don't have to fight against or work too hard for. In other words, sometimes taking "the easy way out" is really the BEST way, regardless of how hard it is.

I feel like things are going so well for me right now. I'm SO happy, and I'm loving just living my life for the first time in, what feels like, years.

Things are coming more easily for me, and it's happening in every aspect of my life. Sure things are just beginning with Brent and I, and sure, I still have a year left of school.. But I'm actually ENJOYING both school and my new interest in Brent! I like him a lot. We have so much fun together. He is amazing and I really couldn't ask for more.. Clinicals are amazing too! I went to Labor and Delivery yesterday and got to help with three births! Two were vaginal and one was a cesarian. I felt like that was my calling. I loved being with those women at such a challenging and rewarding time in their lives! I sure did pick the right profession to go into. The Lord has blessed me with many strengths that nurses need..


I'm glad I wrote here. It really allows me to clear my head. I have so much to be thankful for in this life, and I know it's all from the Lord.

Natalie

It's been over a month since we talked. I want to know if you think this is a permanent thing or not. I don't have any idea what you're feeling, and I'd really just like to know. I've been okay, and I'm trying to move on, but I just feel like I need some closure if this is going to be over for good. I want to know where you stand.

Natalie

_________________________

I've been doing pretty well too. I think it's better for both of us, especially in the long term if this is permanent. We had a good relationship but I think it's run it's course now. We'll always have the good memories.

C

Well. It hurt. I'm doing good though. It's the final ending point. I'm over it now. It's all wrapped up in that little, two lined email. "It's run it's course now" - and I take solitude in the fact that "it's" is misspelled. I hate grammatical errors. I've been talking a lot to Brent. He knows my whole situation, and he's okay with it, so I am too. We're hanging out tonight and I'm excited. Scary movies always bring people together. Hahah. :) But really, I'm pretty excited. I'll let y'all know if anything important happens! :D

Natalie

I told myself I wasn't going to talk to you, because I know it might just make things worse. I guess maybe you figured out that we weren't going to work out before I did.. I just wish we would have talked about it. I wish you would have said what you needed to before we went back to school for this semester. If you were feeling like that for a while, then you should have told me. I cannot tell you how upsetting that was for me that you just ended it without any real explanation. The only thing you gave me was that "you felt that way for a while". I'm assuming that one everyone's guessing is correct and that you found someone else.. how else could something like this end so quickly on your part without wanting to work it out? I'm not mad. I really am not. The only thing I am angry about is that I bent my morals for you.. because I thought you were the one. I guessed wrong, and now here are the consequences. I guess I am still a little upset about everything, but after four years AND being on the receiving end it's a little hard to get over..

I hope that you're doing well, and that you're family is too. I hope you're happy with whatever you're doing.. I hope that you made the right choice too.

I guess really I'm sending this email to get a little bit of closure. I'm happy, I think. I just want to know the truth. If you tell me you've told me why already, then you are lying to me and yourself. You never really gave me anything.

Natalie.